25 February 2011

Could you please spell that?

I am a teacher.  Every semester when I get a new group of kids, I always preface my first roll call with a statement similar to the following:  "As I call roll, I will call your first name.  If you go by your middle name or a shortened version of your first name, please let me know.  If I mispronounce your name, please correct me.  I want to make sure I get it right."  In every class, there is a child who goes by his or her middle name or is called Nate instead of Nathaniel.  And in almost every class, there is a child whose name is so uncommon that I must write it out phonetically on my roster just so I can make sure I learn to pronounce it correctly.  I have even had kids go by a name that is in no way related to their given name, simply because their given names are so...weird.  My question for all of the parents/parents-to-be out there, WHY saddle your child with a name that is going to have people asking how to spell it or constantly mispronouncing it?

Sure, we all know about the celebrity babies...Gwyneth Paltrow has Apple, Julia Roberts has Phinnaeus and Hazel, and George Foreman has George Jr., George III, George IV, George V, George VI, Freeda George, and Georgetta.  We've all heard the stories about somebody's best friend's kid's cousin's classmate being named Shithead (pronounced Shi-the-ahd) or Lemonjello or Orangejello.  Don't forget Precious, who is everything but precious!  And we probably all know someone who had the fortune of marrying a man who gave her a funny name.  I know Fonda Tubbs and years ago, I knew Sherry Wood who married James Carver.  She became Sherry Wood Carver. 

BUT again, I must ask, WHY would you intentionally saddle your child with some weird name?  We will be giving the AHSGE next week, so we've gotten the lists of students who will be testing.  The following are some honest-to-God names of students at my school.
  • Quametrius
  • Briquez
  • Gerecka
  • Shakeithia (wonder if her daddy's name is Keith??)
  • Gyovantaye
  • Adjonski
  • Yomira
  • Sekwondria
  • Antriunna (hmmm...sort of sounds like Aunt Trina)
  • QuienGashaious
  • Alaksian (he goes by Cat, which is in no way related to his name)
  • Wymeka
  • Dytazia
On the other hand, there are the names that are just a little too common.  Over the past five years, I have taught no fewer than 11 girls named Megan/Meghan/Maegan/Magan or some other variation, at least 10 girls named Brittany/Brittney, several Gabrielles, and a few Katelyns.  For whatever reason, it doesn't seem like boys have the same problem.  Sure, names like Michael or Joshua tend to be common, but I don't usually have as many boys with duplicate names.

Call me an old-fashioned fuddy duddy if you want.  I just see no reason to get all weird.  Personally, I truly love the old-fashioned, classic names...Olivia, Claudia, Lila, Emma, Claire for girls; Alexander, Jameson, Owen, Nathan, Hudson for boys.  And of course, I love my name...Trina Marie...because Grannie chose it for me, and that makes it very special!

Now I need to go.  Quasimonitretiunasha Raymonicalamichaelasinga has a question for me.  She goes by Peachy.  :)

Have a GREAT day!

4 comments:

STILLMAGNOLIA said...

ROFL! I thought I wouild choke when I read the last one. That was a great post. I adored it. You outdid yourself on that one. You forgot tho....Friendcedrick, who was named after his mom's friend Cedrick. And female (Fee Molly), Shottatequila Bernicia was another favorite of mine. Lord, we should write a book called things not to name your child. Do people not realize that these kids have to actually spell these names? I am glad for Karen Leigh. It works for me. I was almost named Francis Mathilda. Whew....I am glad my mom came to her senses.

Trooper Thorn said...

Looking at last year's Bama roster there were: 4 Brandons, 4 Williams, 3 Roberts (and variations), 3 Michaels, 3 Marks and 1 Marquis and 3 Johns and a Jonathan. There was also a DaMarcus, a DeAndrew, a DeQuan, a Dont'a, a Jalson, a Jarrick, a Keiwone, a Phelon and a Ranzell.

Julie said...

WOW. I can't even comment! I"m rarely speechless, but I am now!

Susan said...

Dangit! Karen beat me to Friendcedrick. And of course I remembered Orangejello & Lemonjello...pronounced with a French accent, thank you. Funny post. I was dying laughing.

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